Deadmedia shares monthly writing updates, folklore & history inspirations, and exclusive content from SF/F author Samantha Garner. Learn more here.
Hi everyone,
In December I decided I wanted to learn a bit more about art history and started with the Philippines. I dedicate some time to it each week, and in a recent session I came across this quote from the painter Ang Kiukok that stuck with me. He didn't reference his drawings when painting. His logic was:
It's like you're only copying from the drawing and you're not free.
It knocked around in my brain for a few days and I wasn’t sure why. Then it came to me: It made me think of my work with Corrode the Song.
The satisfying crunch of walking in fresh snow
In my last letter, I was making notes on how to tweak the existing outline of Corrode the Song. Since then I’ve finalized the new outline — or as much as I can, given that I like to go off-script sometimes if it feels right. I was quite happy with the new outline and excited to get started.
Then, I encountered a hurdle I didn’t expect: what do I do with the chapters I’ve already written?
There aren’t many of them, just eight. At least, it didn’t feel like many until I created a new outline that made the book shorter. Suddenly my eight chapters were a third of the entire book. I could clearly see how the last few of those existing chapters diverged from the new story.
But — and if you’re a writer too you might already have a sense of where my brain’s going here — they’re already written. If I scrap those chapters, what’ll happen to the groundwork I’d laid within them? All the character work I started? The little worldbuilding moments that were foundational?
I put it out of my head during the first three chapters. I didn’t need to think about it yet — the new outline followed those chapters pretty closely already. But once I got past the third chapter I had to pause. I felt a bit scared about archiving (NOT DELETING) the next chapters and continuing on fresh snow. But then I also felt like I was somehow betraying the story’s new spark if I just kept tweaking things I’d written years ago.
I was in that headspace when I encountered the above quote from Kiukok. I don’t want to copy from the drawing. I want to be free, always!
Chapter 4 is the start of the aforementioned divergence from the new outline. Chapters 7 & 8 are “start afresh” ones because what happens there can’t happen now, according to the new direction. But 4-6, those ones are in a grey area. I can tweak to fit, or I can be free. Honestly, as scary as it feels to stare at a blank page again, I think that’s what this story needs from me right now.
Wish me luck!
(The header image is “Tondo,” 1961, by Ang Kiukok)
PS, what I’m reading & watching & hearing:
There’s something about the combination of late winter + depression that makes me crave melancholic comfort (and the comfort part is key. There has to be some beauty in it. I’m not here for unrelenting bleakness). So on that note I’ve been enjoying the following books, movies, and music, often under a blanket with a cup of tea nearby:
Night Sky With Exit Wounds, Ocean Vuong
Soft Science, Franny Choi
The film “God’s Own Country”
The playlist I created for when I want to take my “sad bastard walks” but also feel a bit like a movie character, sullen and remote and observant. Songs on this playlist include “In Your House” by the Cure, “Donimo” by the Cocteau Twins, and “Disengaged” by Grouper.
I want to hear from you!
Thanks for reading Deadmedia today. I’d love to hear what you thought — leave me a comment or hit Reply to send me an email!
Talk soon,
-Sg.
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