33 | The cold.

Knowing myself in the solitude of winter

Samantha Garner
January 15, 2025

Deadmedia shares monthly peeks behind the scenes, writing updates, and creativity thoughts from SF/F author Samantha Garner. Learn more here.

Hi everyone,

Before we start, I want to highlight AP Thayer’s recent newsletter, where he shared some resources for those who want to help support Lost Angeles-area residents affected by the recent wildfires. Please have a look and share the links if you can. Thank you!

Now, with my apologies for the tone shift, here’s my monthly writing/life update.

The habit of paying attention

In a recent Open Book column, I wrote about changing my writing routine for autumn and winter. I vowed to slow down, luxuriate in quiet moments, reflect on my writing and on creativity in general. Since I wrote that article I’m pleased to report that it’s been great to do these things. Autumn is my most transformative season but there’s something really magical about early winter dark (murderous as it also is for my mental health). I never feel more like an actual animal than I do in the winter. I doze on the couch after dinner when I’m supposed to be paying attention to a movie and tell myself I’m respecting my body’s natural early-sunset rhythms or whatever. But in all seriousness, this is the first winter in a long time where I’ve actually enjoyed things. I’m letting myself be tired. I’m letting myself be cold. I’m drawing inward and letting everything become significant.

I feel more connected to my body in winter too. I notice how my hands and feet seem permanently cold, I note the temperature in which my nose decides it’s time to run. Despite the annoyances of those examples, I do feel more physically myself in autumn and winter. In summer my body itself feels like a hindrance, uncomfortable in a way that makes me angry. (Maybe examining this feeling will be my summer project.)

Granted, it’s mid-January and the spectre of Blue Monday (not the good one) is on the horizon. But I think two things* helped this okay-with-winter feeling: My Patreon project, and my novella trilogy.

The Undone Rituals Mixtape Project is seasonal, so I’ve been observing winter more than I normally do, specifically through the lens of creativity and my own writing past. And the Project Awakened trilogy, set on a tidally-locked planet where the sun’s position is fixed in the sky, gives me a really interesting way to think of weather. Seasons kind of don’t exist, at least not in the same way they do here. Yet, there’s a stillness that feels like winter. There’s cold wind in your lungs. There’s a rumour of dark, the first sight of stars.

Writing the trilogy has made me slow down and pay attention to the way weather feels, both on my skin and in my brain. I also notice the ways my energy levels change and the way I need deeper quiet to write. This habit of paying attention has heightened the good parts of winter for me. I’ve had to learn new ways to experience the cold for the sake of this trilogy, and it’s been fun.

*Honourable mention to my SAD light therapy lamp — love you, babe.

Speaking of Project Awakened…

I’ve started the second act of Book Three!

I know, it’s a novella. The second act starts on, like, chapter three. But hey, a second act is a second act!

I approached this book anxiously, and honestly I think that’s part of the reason my self-imposed deadline of Dec 31 2024 whooshed right by me. There’s the natural pressure of the last book in a series, wrapping everything up in a satisfying way. Lumi, the protagonist of this book, was the most unknown to me out of my small cast of characters. But I’m happy to say that, thanks to the advice of a brilliant critique partner, I did a few writing exercises that helped me slide right into Lumi’s brain in such a valuable and fun way. She’s not doing so hot at the start of this book so it’s been a bit slow-going as I pace myself emotionally. I’m happy to say that we’ve found our footing now, and I’m excited to keep going.

(By the way: The word “lumi” means “snow” in Finnish. Appropriate that I write her story right now, eh?)

PS, Poem interlude

I’d like to leave you with my favourite poem, and the only one I know by heart. I think you’ll find it’s appropriate for right now too.

❝

THE COLD

How exactly good it is
to know myself
in the solitude of winter,

my body containing its own
warmth, divided from all
by the cold; and to go

separate and sure
among the trees cleanly
divided, thinking of you

perfect too in your solitude,
your life withdrawn into
your own keeping

--to be clear, poised
in perfect self-suspension
toward you, as though frozen.

And having known fully the
goodness of that, it will be
good also to melt.

Wendell Berry

I want to hear from you!

Thanks for reading Deadmedia today. What changes have you noticed about yourself this winter (or summer if you’re in the Southern Hemisphere)? I’d love to hear what you thought—leave me a comment or hit reply to send me an email!

Talk soon,
-Sg.

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